People Pleaser

24 January 2010
I am a people pleaser. I am such a people pleaser that the thought of making anyone less than happy with me can worry me to death. I don't know if this goes along with my depression or what, but it's a problem that has gotten worse the past few years. Now, I'm not saying that it's always a bad thing, but when it starts stressing you out, then that isn't good. I think my people pleasing is what has made me so afraid of conflict. I hate conflict and will bend over backwards to avoid it. Does that make me a big baby? Possibly. But, if there is conflict, in my mind I haven't done my job of keeping everyone happy. Rationally I know this is an impossible task, but still I try and then worry when I fail. It really sucks at times.

The biggest problem with being this way is that you are always focused on someone else. We need to think of ourselves and do what's best for us, but it's hard when you are too busy trying to keep everyone else happy. I think many mamas know exactly what I'm talking about. So, when do we put the needs of others aside and do what's best for us? I have no idea what the answer to this one is, but I know we all need to do right by us or we will be no good to anyone else.

So, that's what I'm trying to work on right now, taking care of me. I've had a bad case of the blues lately and I think giving myself a break will help. I am giving myself permission to not be perfect and make everyone happy. Of course I am still going to be a good wife and mama, but I'm also going to focus some energy on things I want to do. I am going to try to let go of this idea that I need to make every single soul I know blissfully happy. I mean, we don't live in a Disney movie here! Ultimately, I cannot make other people be happy, I can only do that for myself. And I really feel that I deserve it. So, I start the process of letting this strange character flaw of mine go and embracing the idea that I am worthy of some happiness too. Maybe I've been trying to please the wrong people all along.



Jayde said...

OH! I an right there with you! I hate conflict and all the guilt and crap that goes along with it.

Randa Derkson said...

Good for you! You need to take some "you" time. Otherwise you won't be able to be there 100% for the people who matter!

I was always a people pleaser as well, and I found myself to be fake! So last year I decided to speak my mind, but still be polite of course. said...

As hard as it is, I have to tell myself that I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness but my own. It is hard not to always want to be the peace maker and problem solver and burden lifter but if you won't take care of you, then who will?

When you feel like you're being buried under other people's problems, take the time to step away. Easier said than done, but true.

TexasBobbi said...

Hugs, think soon you and Lynette can come visit a new baby who won't care what you do.