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A Big Ball of Emotions

Monster DaffodilsImage by Philipp Klinger via Flickr

Warning: This may be the most rambling of all of my rambles. I am not even sure that it will make sense once I'm finished. But, I know I have got to get this out, so thanks for understanding.

Have you ever been through something that tested you beyond what you thought you were capable of handling? That was my weekend. In the past 24 hours I have felt life a failure as a mother, questioned what kind of life partner I am, and have pretty much decided that I am much too naive. I am too trusting, thinking everyone is good at heart. Now I am afraid I might never be able to trust again. Which is bad, because you should surround yourself with people you care about, who care about you in return...the kind of people you can trust.

I find myself questioning the word friend. The definition is "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard." We found out that one person we thought of as a friend is not one at all. And I found out that maybe I don't know others as well as I thought. I needed a friend yesterday to let me cry on their shoulder and to understand why I am flopping back and forth between being mad and feeling like a fool. I needed to talk about what's going on rather than act like nothing is going on. And I needed it to be okay that I am a big ball of emotions. But I didn't have that. We are all too interconnected in our little neighborhood family, all of us processing the events of the day in our own way. Some thinking it is no big thing, others just completely at a loss as to what to do. Did I mention yesterday was a bad day?

So, now here I am going back and forth between want to curl up in bed for the next week, wanting to beat up the world, wanting to lead a crusade against all the evil in the world, wanting to cry until I can't anymore, and trying to not let things get to me so I can function as a wife and mom. It's like having the worst mood swings ever!

So, I ask my dear readers if you will keep me and my little family on your prayer list. We are all okay...no one is sick or dying or anything like that. We just need your prayers, the Lord knows why, even if you don't specifically. That is one of the most beautiful things about Him, He knows our needs.

I apologize for this long, disjointed ramble.

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6 comments:

Jennie said...

Oh HOney, I am so sorry for whatever is going on in yourlife... sounds like something major... I will pray for you right now, it sounds kinda funny, "Lord, please keep your hand on the family of the Ramblings of a Texas Housewife" :).... keep the Lord close to your heart and you will make it thru this... have a blessed week and never let someone else get you down, no matter what, the Lord made you stronger than you think you are...

Juls said...

Nessa,

Big hugs to you, and you're definitely in my prayers. I'm just gonna offer...if you want to..e-mail me if you need an ear. Or, if you still have my number, give me a call, just saying... I know how it feels to need to just vent to someone sometimes...and I'm a pretty good sounding board. Or so I've been told. Hang in there girl. I hope things resolve soon. :)
Julie
Crazeescotts@msn.com

Granny M said...

LOVE you, you know my shoulders are just across the street.

thais. said...

I truly hope everything gets better soon :)

Lynette said...

hate to say it so bluntly nessa
but yesterday was just a s**t day
i am sorry about what happened
i am sorry there is not an easy answer
and i am sorry that i am a friend who can not fix it
forgive

Bobbi Janay said...

I don't know what happened but i hope it gets better. Hugs