14 October 2011
So, Ashley and I now alone in the house. Our roommates have moved out. Reality sets in. I have spent the morning trying to clean and rearrange the house. Make it just ours. It hasn't been that way since all this happened the last of May. I need to make this a home. I need to learn how to do this on my own. I married at 17, went from my mom's house to being a wife. I've never been alone. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm realizing now that they are gone that there is a lot I don't know how to do. Like when the bathtub facet wouldn't turn off and I almost broke the handle off of it trying to fix it. There are lots of things like that I don't know how to handle. I tried to move our dining room table today and some of the legs tore out of the particle board top. I have one tiny Philips screwdriver, a hammer, and a pair of pliers. Not that I would know how to use tools if I had them. I need a book on how to do things I guess.

The house is so empty. The only furniture we really have is the beds, one now busted dining room table, a few chairs and our dressers. I know we are blessed to have the things we do and they are just things. It's just empty. And doesn't feel like home. I want this to be my home for my daughter. I want it to be a place we both want to be. Today I'm just struggling because life has just so completely changed and I don't know how to be a single parent. I feel lost.

I will figure it out. We will be fine. We will be happy. I can do this alone. I know I can.


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