|Flower sad (Photo credit: @Doug88888)|
Here are the things I know on 5/3/14. I am so much stronger than I thought I was three years ago. There is nothing I can't accomplish if I set my mind to it. I am smart, kind, funny, heck I am even beautiful. Sure my teeth are falling out and I am fat, but there is beauty in me. There is a good soul. There is worth. I know these things about myself, things I didn't know say five years ago. So, I am thankful for this May 3rd and all the ones that come after. Thanks to 5/3/96 I have two beautiful children. Those 15 years after taught me so much. There was good, there was bad, but they took me from being a 17 year old girl to a woman. Thanks to May 3rd, I am who I am, a perfectly imperfect woman.
Sure, I am sitting here crying, but I can't even tell you why. I know it's not over what was lost, I know it. Maybe it's because this crazy journey that made me not a wife anymore is scary. I question if I am a good mother, a good family member, a good friend, a good person. I am, I know I am. But, I screw up. A lot. All the time. And I hate myself for it. I am terrified of the uncertainty of what the next year brings. If I'm honest, I am fearful of the uncertainty of tomorrow. All I know is I have to keep trying to make every day I wake up the best day of my life. That's what I am doing.
Only do, you know, there is no try. Yoda is a smarty pants, or robe. Whatever. Thank goodness one of my favorite days comes after stupid May 3rd.