You'll Be Proud of Me

Photo credit to Emily on Flickr. License  Some rights reserved by Unfurled

This phrase leaves my lips far too often when speaking to those who are important to me. People pleasing has been what I attempted for more years than I can remember. I'd do or say what I thought was expected of me more often than not, thinking my real actions and opinions were not good enough. Is anyone good enough?

Those words are detrimental to so many, not good enough. If you've never felt that way, I envy you. This feeling for me lead to me trying to be perfect or at least not who I was to please those around me. You lose yourself int he quest to be what you're expected to be. Life becomes all about going through the motions and trying to figure out what the right thing is rather than going with your instinct. It's depressing and exhausting.

A couple of years ago, I realized it didn't have to be that way. That being me was okay and people actually liked Nessa for Nessa. It wasn't about what they could get from me or how I could change to suit them. It was freeing. I lived in a way I hadn't in a very long time, I said what I thought and behaved as I though I should. There was no more worrying about being what others expected.

Sadly, people pleasing is easy to slide back into. I've been doing a lot of that as of late. It's easier to nod and keep your head down, doing what others want instead of following your own spirit. As I said earlier, this isn't good for anybody. You don't actually build meaningful, sincere with people when not being true to yourself because they aren't seeing who you really are. I need to remember this and live the "Good to be me" motto every day.

I have a special person in my life who replies to every "You'll be proud of me" with "I'm always proud of you". That's great to hear, but it took me being proud of me to finally feel somewhat at peace. I'm beautifully flawed and proud of who I am, metaphorical warts and all.

What do you do when you feel you aren't good enough?