Jasper Chats With Spank

When we last left Spank...

Well, Spank thank you so much for giving this interview. I've enjoyed reading your answers and... *sound of a door opening* Oh, my. Spank, I feel they knew I was interviewing you. Two incredibly handsome Cullens just walked into my house. Jasper is grinning at me and Emmett's pulling me away. It seems Jasper has a few questions for you. I hope you'll consent to another interview for him.

Spank, darlin, I'm sure you won't mind answering a few simple questions for me. The interviewer is now @JasperHale. ;) I'd hate this to be non-consensual in any way, so please be honest. Keep it clean too, dearest one. How do you feel about the idea of answering a few little questions for me?

Keep it clean? *shakes my head* I'm sorry, did you call me dearest one? *blushes* I much prefer that to Darlin'. *sighs softly, nodding* I will do anything for you, Jasper. *raises brow, smirking* And I have all the answers for any of your, questions, Mr. Hale.


Excellent. Let's dive right on in, then. I've wondered, when did you start following my account on twitter?

It has been a very long time, Jasper. Dare I say I have enjoyed following you since you began gracing Twitterville with your presence. Yes, I have followed you. *looking you over* You have a nice backside, by the way.


Very nice turn of phrase, dearest one. You do have an amazingly quick mind. Do you have a favorite tweet? A favorite moment or plotline? From me, please darlin. Right now, I'm your audience.

Are you saying that I have command of your attention, Mr. Hale. *smiles* This could get interesting. *waving my hand around easily* As for my favorite moment, it is hard to pinpoint because you are so dramatic and your plots have always been very captivating. I almost never interrupt with a comment because I am transfixed by where you are going. I remember becoming very excited when I saw you following a certain news story. I am hoping this will bring you together once again with that fiery Mexican.


I'm glad to hear someone is enjoying my plots. There are times I wonder if I'm only writing for myself. Not that that would stop me, of course. Speaking of fiery Mexicans, what's your opinion on Maria?

Oh I have great respect for Maria. I know this troubles you *lowers my lids, whispering* and I do so hate to disappoint you. *looks up slowly, grinning* But she made you and I am ever so grateful to her for this... gift. And she's strong, and fierce.


Your opinion differs from mine, as you know. However, you're entitled to it and I did ask. What would you like to see from me on twitter?

Aside from you leaving Alice for me? *laughs softly* I love your monologues, actually. There is nothing more captivating to me than when I read your thoughts. *laughs* Makes me feel like your inferior brother in a way. But I do love those. And you can say hi to me from time to time. *smiles*


Inferior brother. *chuckles* What would you like to see from my family, whether Cullens or the entire group - The Olympic Coven RPG?

I think what you all do is what no other family does, and that is tell really intricate stories that take us beyond Breaking Dawn to a world that has not yet been explored. The family I run with is a completely different form of entertainment and I see no competition between the two. I readily state that I respect what your family brings to the Twitterverse and enjoy thoroughly how you all play. I can readily see high standards with your casting and also with your story plots. They are well defined, and extraordinarily played.


Anything you'd change on twitter? Other than your bizarre ideas about getting rid of my wife, of course.

*laughs loudly* See above answer. Other than that idea - which mind you is not THAT bizarre - I would not change a thing. I am loving the new story with respect to Emmett and Rose's family planning and your take on the situation is perfectly played.


Thank you for that. I thought my position on the issue perfectly logical and well-clarified. I'm sure the family meeting about that issue will be interesting once it happens. No point in looking to the future now, however, so we'll continue the interview. I'm not a fan of human food, but I once was. Let me live vicariously. What's your favorite meal?

You may actually like my favorite meal. It is an Ethiopian dish called Raw Kitfo. It is actually raw beef, tossed over a flame to warm up and served with this incredible spicy marinade. Spicy, Jasper. Like me. *winks*


That sounds like an interesting meal. If you had to choose one, what would you want as your last meal?

You.


I'd rather not risk destroying you, dearest one. The world would be a poor place without you. What is your favorite veggie vamp meal?

I would never eat Bambi. Do you drain cows, because I do like me some steak.


Cows aren't my favorite. Herbivores don't taste as good and cows tend to taste heavier to me. I wish I could explain it better. Given the option, I prefer wolf as my meal. When I'm not hunting, I'm a big fan of music and always have been. What's your favorite kind?

I love almost all forms of music but my heart belongs to the alternative genre, most specifically Foo Fighters. Not a bad song sung, in my opinion.


Excellent group. You have very good taste, dearest one. Alright, enough of the favorites. Let's delve a little more. What's your belief on souls?

I believe that if we have souls that your soul stays with you not for as long as you draw breath but for as long as you have the capacity to heal, or harm, by your actions, words and deeds.


Interesting theory, well presented and clear-cut. Very commendable. Do you think vampires have souls?

I believe that all good vampires go to heaven. And, yes, I believe that if we have souls, vampires have them too.


What's your take on life in the Southern Covens vs vampire life in the North?

Well, I do think that the North is far more peaceful than the warring of the Southern Covens. I know you're trying to cage me into speaking ill of Maria and I'll not do it. But I do believe that peaceful coexistence is a good thing, where possible. Sadly, it does not seem possible in the south.


I have my own reasons for harboring an ill will towards my creator. Things may be made clear on twitter in the future. If you could choose, which vampire power/extra ability would you have?

The power of confusion. Imagine how awesome that would be.


Fascinating choice. That ability could work well though physical touch or as a distanced power. It seems similar to the side-effect of Renata's shield.


Pick five words you would use to describe me and explain them please.

Stoic, conflicted, loyal, beautiful and taken. Stoic because your presence is very controlled and you almost have a detached approach to dealing with situations. I believe this is from your military background. You're conflicted because I believe that a strong part of you is still drawn to the natural life of a vampire and you continue to fight against this primal urge for human blood. Your loyalty almost goes without explanation. You have shown your loyalty for your family, even when it upset certain members to help others. You always do what you believe is right and I really respect that about you. Beautiful - you may think I mean your appearance. And while it is true I find you to be breathtaking, you are beautiful inside because all the pain and torment that you have experienced and endured in your life, you still find that love is the greatest gift worth sacrificing for. And last, *grumbles* and least... you are taken, which is such a sadness. Spank will just wait in the wings for when you come to your senses. *shaking my head* I know, I know... you'll say "you'll be waiting forever" which is why I fully intend to become a Spankpire, so time will be on my side. *laughs maniacally*


Well, dearest Spank, thank you for your time today. I've enjoyed this and I'm sure we'll do it another time. If you like, of course. Good day, ma'am. I need to go pull Emmett away from our host for a hunting trip. Do take care of yourself and I'll see you on twitter.

*blushes* You called me dearest. *holds my hand out and smiles mischievously as you hold it* I would love nothing more than do visit with you again. Good day, Jasper. *staring at you, offering a cursory smile at Emmett and watching you walk away, smiling to myself* Yes, his exit is as good as his entrance....

Talkin' to Spank

Remember my post from a few weeks back called I Can't Be The Only One? Well, I was right! Today, I decided to interview another Twilight fan. SpankRansom, as she is known on Twitter, has grown quite a following for this alter-ego, her own Twilight RP group, and her blog, Cullen Cream Pie. At one time, I knew her only as someone with a serious obsession with Jasper Hale and a great sense of humor. Now, I've had the chance to learn more and decided to share the information with you, wonderful readers.

Spank is a young vivacious superhero who lives on Twitter Lane in Forks, Washington with Shawty Hale. Spank is fun, fearless and desperately in love with Jasper Whitlock. She is able to overlook the fact that he is happily married as one of her superhero powers is repelling reality (all things considered, people, Twitter _is_ her reality). She also has the power to confuse which comes in handy, though I cannot remember why. Her Puppet Master is the exhausted mom of two beautiful children, ages 8 and 4 1/2, who works in the legal industry (i.e., with vampires). She, like Spank, has a deep appreciation for Mr. Whitlock, and more specifically Jackson Rathbone and his hands. Um, it's just... the way they strum a guitar, _of course_. We both love the Foo Fighters and 100 Monkeys, are fiercely loyal to our friends and will fight for tru

Image by SpreePiX - Berlin via Flickr

th, justice and the... oh who am I kidding? We both just want some J-Action.

I can't blame her for wanting some J-Action. He's Southern, charming, can play a mandolin, sing, act, and his smirk makes me come undone. But, this is about Spank and her Puppet Master, so let's get to it!

How did you get into the Twilight fandom?

Ginger (@GSnaps) was a friend that I met through the adoption of our children in Ethiopia. We both maintained family blogs and she was holding a contest to give away the first two books of Twilight which I won. The package arrived on a Friday evening and finished Twilight by Saturday afternoon. The entire series was consumed in about eight days; rinse and repeat several more times after that.

As for joining the fandom, Ginger and I had other friends who were adult women that loved Twilight, including Meadow (@WritingLeigh), who suggested we start a blog that wasn't geared to teenagers and catered to funny, snarky Twi-Moms like us, who love the Twilight World but also have a healthy-appreciation for how insane it is, and we are. With that Twilight-Headed was born, and also my alter-ego Spank.

My experience was very much like that; I tore through all four books in record time, then reread them. What initially drew you to the character of Jasper?

The first time I read the series I, like everyone else, consumed it without breath wanting to know how it ended. The second time I read it I took my time, saw all the characters and Jasper Whitlock was the only one that resonated with me. This quiet, tortured soul who lived such a vastly different life than his siblings. A man who goes against everything that is natural to him for the love of his life. And Jasper is in pain. Constant pain. Not just physical because of the blood thirst, but emotional. And his scars are symbolic to me: Visible on his flesh, but also hidden deep within his psyche. In some respects, I think Jasper has the most humanity of all of them combined because of that.

I'm not going to lie. When I saw the film and Jackson Rathbone brought Jasper "to life" I was done for. I could not have chosen a more perfect actor to portray the stoic soldier that was in my mind's eye. Of course, Jasper is a bit taller than is Jackson Rathbone, but I can handle that...

I completely agree with you on this. Rathbone is Jasper for me. I cannot imagine anyone else in the role. Tell us about #JaspersArmy. What is it? How did it come about?

#JaspersArmy is a group of women who are decidedly Team Jasper. We began this effort to counter-balance the Edward/Jacob focus for Eclipse because of ALL the books/movies, we knew that this was Jasper Whitlock's time to shine (or sparkle). So I created a Twitter list and women started "joining" the army. I play Vox Populi from 30 Seconds to Mars as a our battle cry: "This is a call to arms, gather soldiers. Time to go to war..." We knew what we were up against (the leg hitch, the tent, the proposal) and we needed to maintain focus, as Major Whitlock would command. We did, and the army swelled.

While I cannot say I'm a Jasper only girl, he is definitely my second favorite Cullen. What other characters do you like? What about them do you enjoy?

I really love Emmett because he is so easy going, fun and boisterous. I envy that about him; the ease with which he sees things. I would also say that - as much disdain as I hold for the dogs of La Push - I truly love Quil and Embry together, both in the books and in the movies. They play off each other so well, I laugh at the very sight of their names or images.

Emmett, oh Emmett.... what were we talking about again? Oh, I remember! Any characters from the book you aren't a fan of? If so, why?

I am not a fan of Bella. I find her to be intensely selfish and bratty. What she does to both Edward and Jacob is borderline abusive and cruel. She admits using Jacob for her own emotional need, regardless of how it effects him. Whenever she speaks of Edward, it is always a commentary about his perfect looks and she never speaks about who he is as a man. My reason for wanting Midnight Sun to be published is because in the chapters we have been able to read, we see a man who is incredibly conflicted by his nature and is far from perfect. In fact, he is incredibly flawed, and she misses that because of her vanity.

Who knew we had so much in common? I am not a Bella fan at all. I've written before that I could honestly do without her and Edward both, although he's finally starting to grow on me. What do you think of the Twilight fandom as a whole?

There are parts of the fandom (or Fandumb, as I call it) that I can do without. Particularly the community of Twilighters who seem to have lost their grip on reality and think the actors require their assistance with respect to self-defense, behave as if the characters are real or that the actors will "want" them. This would be fine if it were children but it is adult women. Yes, Spank spends an inordinate amount of time observing Jackson Rathbone's hands and is "in love" with Jasper, but Spank is a character designed to entertain. Me? I am an over-worked, exhausted mom of two kids under the age of 10 who enjoys the escape that Spank provides for me. But I don't go to bed at night on a Jasper pillowcase (...do they make them?)

Having said that, the Twilight community provided me with that escape, via Spank, and I am SO grateful for them. This community, with their love of Spank and continued amusement of her Twitter antics, provides me with the ability to channel my long dormant snarky sense of humor and love of writing through the blogs that I have co-created, and my love for storytelling and acting through Twitter RP.

But the most significant part, for me, are the friendships I have formed. Women who were brought together by their love of a book series that turned into life lines for me in my real world. In time this community will fade, but these friendships will be with me forever.

This is so true. The behavior you hear about from some grown women makes me shudder. I think their antics unfairly give all us Twilight Moms a bad rap. But, the friendships I've made thanks to these novels will last a lifetime. I can't say I've ever paid much attention to Rathbone's hand, but his chin and that mischievous smirk....swoon. BTW, yep they do make them, I checked for ya. ;)

Do you have a favorite book from the saga?

Are you sitting down, people? Eclipse.

Okay, in hindsight that was a dumb question. I'm assuming Eclipse is your favorite of the films?

Yes, Eclipse is my favorite film of the series and not just because Jasper has such a central role. David Slade (@David_A_Slade) was masterful with his direction of this film. The acting was far superior than the previous two installments, as was the dialogue. In the book of Eclipse you knew very little about what was happening with the newborn army. In the movie, we got to see that dark world unfurl. It was exciting to watch, and intense under his eye. Spank spent a lot of time on Twitter threatening poor Mr. Slade about what would happen to him if Major Whitlock did not ride in on a horse. Thankfully, Mr. Slade paid close attention to what ALL the fans wanted out of this film.

Major Whitlock on that horse was exactly what I'd hoped for. That reminds me...what is the story with the infamous ShamWow?

My friends joked that Spank was going to need plastic seat covering for her theater seat when Jasper came on screen. My good friend, and blog partner, Sweet Sparkles (@Sweet_Sparkles) MADE ShamWow's that have Jackson Rathbone's picture on it, for me and our blog-partner Shawty Hale (@ShawtyHale). The reason? It is good with cleaning up "excess fluid." I'll leave it at that as this is a family blog, but will say that it came in handy.



Okay, I seriously want one of those! Mine needs another face added to it though. Tell us about @PocketJasper and @Pocket_Maria. I love their tweets!

Pocket Jasper and Pocket Maria live in Toys R Us, though they have yet to meet. Maria is in constant search for him but Jasper is too busy eating Zhu Zhu pets and dazzling the Barbie dolls to notice that he is being hunted by his pocket creator. Suffice it to say, Maria has killed quite a few Barbies.

I must tell you that Cullen Cream Pie is one of my very favorite blogs. Can you tell us how it came about and share some about the other contributors?

Thank you. When The League ended its run on Christmas Eve 2009 I knew that I was not done "discussing" Twilight. So I approached my friend Sweet Sparkles to see if she would be interested in co-authoring one with me and http://www.cullencreampie.com was born. We went through a few casting changes early on, but when our friend Shawty Hale agreed to join us she revitalized the blog with her special brand of humor and unique observations and approach to Twi-comedy. Spank has moved out of The League Mansion and now lives with Shawty in a really nice house on Twitter that I believe Shawty purchased with her trust-fund.

I am a Shawty fan too. She makes me giggle all the time with her adorableness. "Shawwwwty got low low lowwwww..." sorry, that tweet got stuck in my head. I know you are a role-player and follower of other RPing groups. How long have you been role-playing? What got you interested in it? Please tell us about the group you play with.

Role Play for me began with Spank. I created this character who, to paraphrase Eminem's Without Me, is "a little me mixed with some hard liquor." Spank is living in an alternate universe called Twitterville where vampires and wolves are very real. Spank "came to life" when an RPer named @JasperCullen (now @AbsolutJasper), caught her eye over a year ago and they began the most infectious and entertaining form of flirtatious banter. I had no idea what RP was at the time, but Spank literally could not stop talking to him, nor he her. So I let go and allowed Spank to dive into that world.

When his family ended in the fall of 2009 Jasper left Twitter before returning with his own RP family this spring, named AbsolutTwilight (To learn more about the family, or to apply for a role, join http://www.absoluttwilight.spruz.com and to follow the family on Twitter, go to: http://tweepml.org/absoluttwilight-2). When Jasper returned to Twitter he invited Spank back into his world, and she came to life again. This Jasper (Spank refers to him as her Original Jazz) is such a central part of what defines her world, and he brings out the best in her (or, perhaps, the worst).

Why do I love RP? Simply put, I love RP because it provides the opportunity to take these beloved characters and redefine them for a post-Breaking Dawn world. I literally feel my mind switch from me to Spank, or any character that I play, and I let go and allow these characters to take over, engaging and entertaining my friends, followers, and oftentimes myself. When my character's Twitter day is done, I switch back to me and do the laundry.

It's very much the same for me, my character take over, do their thing and then I get to wash the dishes. It's awesome to know I'm not the only one!

Well, Spank thank you so much for giving this interview. I've enjoyed reading your answers and... *sound of a door opening* Oh, my. Spank, I feel they knew I was interviewing you. Two incredibly handsome Cullens just walked into my house. Jasper is grinning at me and Emmett's pulling me away. It seems Jasper has a few questions for you. I hope you'll consent to another interview for him.

So readers, it seems Spank is going to be interviewed by her favorite vamp. I do hope you'll come back and read what @JasperHale asks our girl . It's sure to be entertaining.

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