Wednesday Whine - Holiday Woes

19 November 2008
Karen over at Mommy, I'm Home has started a new feature called Wednesday Whine. She says we'll feel better if we get these things off our chests, and I bet she's right. Click on over and check it out.

My whine is holiday related. Why do they have to be some complicated?
We invited my family for Thanksgiving. My grandparents forgot about it, my mom and step dad just plain blew me off, and my dad will be working. Great!
So, we find out the in laws are available, they live 4 hours away but are coming to mil parents which is 30 miles from here. So, we figure we can invite everyone here. It was very important to me that we celebrate Thanksgiving in our new home, the first non rental we've ever had, the place we never foresee moving away from. After living without a cook stove for 4 months I am eager to cook up a storm! Anyway, DH tells me that no matter what we will do our Thanksgiving meal here together on Thursday, even if it's just the four of us. That is until we are told his brother and sister in law are coming for the holiday as well, so we are all to be at the grandparents house on Thursday.
Looking back, I realize that he told me not to worry, we'll have a great day even if no one else comes here in an effort to keep me from being upset that my family had blown us off. When his family gets figured into the equation everything changes.
Now, please don't read this as me bashing my DH or in laws, because that is not my intent. I'm just really aggravated! My issues is with him promising me one thing, then changing his mind. He says no matter what he does, someone will be mad. If he insists we go there for Thanksgiving, I'll be upset, but if he lets us do it here he gets mad parents and grandparents. I do understand his dilemma. But, I feel that my feelings have been disregarded. When put in a position like this, my DH always tends to hurt me rather than someone else. It seems my feelings don't matter as much to him as those of others. Sometimes I just want to jump up and down and scream "What about me?!" But every time I think that way or worse yet, share those feelings I decide that my mindset is selfish. But if we are all supposed to put the feelings of others first, then why did this seem to be a never ending cycle?
So, it looks like we will go to the grandparents for Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to spending time with my in laws and DH can't wait to spend some time with his brother. He says we can fix our own feast over the weekend, but I think I'm too disheartened to even bother.

Wow, this turned into a long ramble! Sorry about that! Anyway, how do y'all handle the holidays? Does it bring major stress and unrest to your house? Any suggestions on how to make this situation better? I'd love to hear what you have to say.


Anonymous said...

Thanksgiving got to be so stressful here that we finally decided to ditch both our families and take a mini vacation with just our daughter. Best thing we ever did!

Anonymous said...

Found you at Karen's blog. I had to get some whining off my chest too!
Anyways, I gave up getting stressed about the holidays long ago. Family! Don't we all have disfunction?!
I like Karen's idea about getting away from it all! We did that a few years ago on Christmas and truly, it was one of the best Christmas we had!

Bekah said...

"My issues is with him promising me one thing, then changing his mind."

apparently we handle them the same way you guys do...we have no idea what to do. I can only assume it gets harder when you have children factored into that equation. Although, matt wants to go to his parents for the entire weekend, but they just told us that we cant bring our dog. This wouldnt be a big deal if everyone else werent bringing theirs, but they are. there will be six dogs there. It just stinks, what am I supposed to do with my puppy? Oh and the reason we cant bring him? Their puppy likes to play with our puppy, and it gets on their nerves. Hello, have we heard of the yard?

Bekah said...

that was long, sorry. Apparently I needed a wednesday whine as well.

lynette355 said...

As you know this is why I hate holidays. I do not like the extra expense for one meal. The expectations it puts on families to be who they are not. And the work that seems to always fall on just a few for the many.
My solution would be do away with it all. Enjoy a good day with your own family. I don't think many people really get a whole day to just the family inside the four walls where they live. Also if the larger family wants to come together then do that the following day or weekend. Or do a progressive meal from one house to another over the weekend. I feel for you, I understand.

Unknown said...

I know exactly what you mean. I absolutely love the holidays but I hate having to choose where to go, you inevitably upset someone and you always seem to be running around like crazy people and never really enjoying the day with the people you care about. I agree with Lynette...we should all take every other year off and just stay home and enjoy our families!

Anonymous said...

Men- big ole' babies and chickens too, sometimes! LOL

Anonymous said...

Rut-Ro- Nessa,
I just got an email from sister-in-law and it seems they want to know about our plans to leave for my family's place for the holiday. That doesn't sound good. I think a (could you squeeze in a visit before you leave request) is coming. Yippers! Wish me luck. lol