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Everything Changes

SadnessImage via WikipediaTime for honesty. The last six months I have been a shell of a person. I've barely functioned. Depression has me so tightly in it's grip that doing anything other than the most basic tasks has seemed to difficult. My kids have barely had a mother, my husband has not had a wife, and I've not done anything about it. I have isolated myself, living in my own little bubble where I felt safe and in control. The problem is, I did not realize I was doing it until it was too late.

For the past week and a half I've tried to pull out of it, come back to life, do the things that need doing. I've prayed, I've tried opening up, I've reached out. But it seems I lost myself for too long, my efforts are too little too late. I have managed to ruin the only thing that really matters to me. And I don't know how to deal with it or fix it or change it. And I'm terrified.

I realize this is very personal, but I've grown to be friends with quite a few of my readers. So, thank you all for your prayers, support, and friendship. There may be more personal posts from now on, but at least I'll be posting more, right? This blog is something I've always been proud of, it's time to make it important to me again.

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4 comments:

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I know this so well. It took me to hit bottom to realize that I needed to get help of anti-depressants to pull me up once again. It took awhile but I was able to smile from the inside and radiate on the outside. I will be praying that you find your sunshine in your life once again.

jackoneil55 said...

i have been where you are many times. seriously. and i know how hard the journey looks. i fight this daily and wish i were brave enough to blog it but i am not. my prayers are with you. you can and will make it thru. that's the "beauty" of depression- it does lift. when i am this way i try to use it as a learning time- no matter how crazy the thoughts seem (or how deade they seem) and at least i know i am "using the time wisely " you are not alone!

Anonymous said...

Praying you heal and get through quickly. Keep praying, reaching out and things will start to look better soon.

Blessings
Erika

Anonymous said...

Nessa,

Always remember that you have friends who cares for you. When you think you are alone in your struggle, always remember that in your darkest moments, there will always be a spark of hope, and until you are breathing, there is always something to look forward to.

Changes are constant. We should accept them openly, and when need be, we should effectuate the change ourselves.

From the people around us who we think have lost us along the way, when we are at that point when we feel nothing more than a shell, we should also remember that they do get affected by how we are, and the longer we let ourselves be lost in such way, the healing takes longer.

You will get there, Nessa. It may take some time, but surely, you will get there, one way or the other.

You are not alone in this battle. Be strong and do not forget to wear a smile.