Again, thank you all for your prayers and support. You all believe in me when I can't seem to believe in myself. It means more to me than I can say.
Today has been so difficult and I'm not sure why. I've just been in tears all day long. I'm just not in a good place. I miss my family, that's all I can say. Finding out that everyone in town, including the guy putting on the new roof, knew he was leaving has really been a blow. Everyone knew other than me. I go back and forth between complete disbelief and feeling like the world's biggest fool.
People keep giving me advice. I'm apparently suppose to be mad. I just can't go there. I do get angry sometimes, but sadness is the overwhelming emotion. The fact that I didn't realize how badly I'd messed up until it was too late, how I begged to go to counseling desperate to make things work, the way he looks at me like 15 years never happened.... it's very, very difficult. He's moved on and I just can't. I don't know how to let go. How do you unlove someone? I read the cards and letters he gave me over the years. What happened? How did he just turn that off? Someone point me in the direction of the off switch! I need it to not hurt anymore.