Bliss

It wasn't a normal morning at our house. It was quiet, everyone was ready with their teeth brushed, their shoes on and their bags packed before the bus was rolling down the street. The Little Miss was running around asking for Mickey Mouse and juice giggling while she waved bye-bye to her brother and sister, then to the school bus. Mr. 4 was still sound asleep in his bed snoring softly. Preschool starts at 8:30, but he was still sleeping and so sweet all tucked in his bed. I almost let him sleep because he's usually a dragon if you wake him before he is ready. Against my better judgment, I sat down next to him rubbed his warm cheek and got a big smile. He was up dressed and out the door in fifteen minutes without a whimper, growl or tear. We made it to preschool ten minutes late, but happy and ready to play and learn, which in my book was a successful morning. 

Little Miss 2 and I went to run an errand then came home to clean up the Rice Krispies that were dumped all over the kitchen floor. This kind of insane mess usually causes me to almost hyperventilate because I HATE cleaning stuff up over, and over, and over again, but today was different. Instead of looking down at the half a box of cereal on the floor and coming unglued as Miss 2 jumped on the cereal to listen to it crunch, I watched. Obviously I have lost my mind because, Grrrr! I'm trying to sweep this crap up! Go!! Move!!  Not today, today I realized that it was just a broom and a sweeper and some thankfully dry cereal. I laughed with her.

The morning flew by and it was time to go back to pick up Mr. 4 from preschool. Now, it happens on occasion that my apparently darling boy is an angel at school, but once he is in my van, the devil comes out. He once - last week - had an insane meltdown for 45 minutes over something like juice or a Popsicle or something. I honestly don't even remember what it was about, but I'm always on guard when I pick him up to come home. On top of our stellar morning, Mr. Gavin has been somewhat of a jack rabbit lately. He boings from place to place just jumping and giggling. I get tired just looking at him most of the time. Seriously sleepy from watching his bouncing. He's like Tigger. I pulled up outside to pick him up; he was playing ball with one of the preschool assistants. He saw me, bounced over and tackle hugged my legs. Whoa! Still happy - now the red lights were really flashing because OBVIOUSLY all hell was going to break loose any second. Things were going way too well already today. Something was bound to snap!

Against my better judgement, I decided to ride the wave of peace and happiness that seemed to be holding its own for the day and *winces* took the kids to Pizza Hut for lunch. God help me, I'm sure I've lost it at this point because this can't last forever, but I did it. I took the bouncing, rail climbing, Tigger of a 4 year old and his giggle happy, caramel apple coated little sister to lunch. We got a booth near the buffet which is always a win when you're dining alone with a preschooler and toddler. They stayed in their seats. They didn't spill their drinks. They asked for more peaches and cucumbers. Whoa.... *Looks around for Jesus* I'm pretty sure I've either died or my children have been abducted by aliens or I'm in the Twilight Zone. *Giggles in her own mind wishing for a Twilight zone with an Emmett Cullen.* We left without crying for ice cream and when we got home they looked at me and said. Nap time mommy. O.O

Yeah, it was sort of like rainbows and unicorns were flying around my head at that point. *Checks the kids for fever. Checks herself for fever.* So here is the moral of the story. Its been a long blog coming, I know, but there is a point beyond telling you how perfect my not so perfect babies have been today. The point is this. Kids are happy with the little stuff. They don't freak out over spilled cereal, they jump on it and listen to the cool noises. Then, they have fun trying out the sweeper to hear more noises when you suck it up. They don't worry about the person behind them in the restaurant, they tap them on the shoulder and say hi or play peek-a-boo. You hardly ever catch one that scowls and tells your kid to sit down. They get the giggles from shaky cheese that looks like snow, and think that everything is a game. When is the last time that you looked at putting on your socks as a game? When is the last time you drank chocolate milk for breakfast? They find every little thing in the world that is even a tiny bit happy and run with it, and somewhere in the middle of teaching our kids how to be adults, we taught them to be rushed, sad, tense and serious. So, today, and hopefully for every day after this, I want to find the happy in the stuff that seems dumpy and mundane. Even if that means doing the Little Piggies thing when I put on my socks or making faces at myself in the mirror, I'm going to try it. You should too.

 

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Today is your lucky day. You didn't know that did you. You thought you would swing by Nessa's blog for a Read while you sip your afternoon tea or coffee or whatever, but that's all about to change because, TODAY, I've got a little something extra for you all. Today is My First Giveaway Day!!  You're on the edge of your seats now aren't you... and you should be. 

Remember that, I'm still an newbie at this whole blogger routine and since this is my first giveaway and I am eternally grateful to her, I feel obligated to tell you about the creator of the prize at hand. This necklace (a $25 value) was hand made by the darling Ms. Amanda Rempe. She makes all sorts of amazing creations that you can check out over at amandalynnedesigns.com and you really should. I like her designs for their simplicity and versatility. You can put them on and leave them on with your jeans or when you're headed out for the night. I'm especially fond of the I Do necklace and wish I would have had it for my sister-in-law last weekend. 

Amanda started her business a little over a year ago and things have taken off for her. I have been privileged to watch her grow up for the past ten years and I am so proud to be able to host a give away featuring her jewelry.  On top of that, she was sweet enough to create a necklace just for this give away, and JUST FOR YOU! 

The copper disk is 18mm wide and is available on a 16" or 18" chain.

Now, how to get your entries, its simple.  You have until next Tuesday's post with Ramblings of a Texas Housewife to get your entries in, so don't wait around!! And because Nessa  generously hosts my Tuesday blog, she automatically gets 2 entries. You're falling behind already... SCOOT!

Connect back to my blog, Thoughts of an Oxymoron and follow me for 2 entries.

Tweet this give away @replying me @thetameone for 1 entry. Add @amandalynnedesigns to your tweet for 2 entries.

 

Check out amandalynnedesigns.com and tell me your favorite item for 1 entry. You can post your comments under this blog post.

So, are you excited yet? You're going to love it, I know you are!  I will announce the winner next Tuesday. You can send me your address information,etc. then.

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

What I want and What I like.

I checked and this will be blog post number 53 for me. I looked at that number and was astounded that I have come up with 53 different things to blab about in a little over a month. Well, not really, because if you give me a topic, I'm pretty good at spouting off my opinion on almost anything. The amazing part was that I'm not pulling these topics from a book of pre-written ideas. I have, so far, depended solely on my own life (which rarely has a dull moment to offer) or the the news which, I have decided, is entirely full of idiots and stupidity. I have enjoyed every second of writing these posts and getting the amazing feedback from people through emails, Facebook, grocery store run ins, Twitter, and comments on my blog. Thank you all so much for keeping my fun little hobby just that.

When I first mentioned in a tweet that I thought I should blog and someone should pay me to do it, I was joking. Truth be told, I had no idea that anyone really did that and I was just spouting off and being silly in my newly frantic jobless state. I started the blog to have fun and to give me some way to get my opinions out in the world. Its frustrating to have all these ideas shuffling around in your head when you're at home with a preschooler and a toddler who can't talk politics, or the environment and only want to watch Mickey Mouse. As I mentioned before, I have an opinion on almost everything and those opinions need to come out!

So, thus far, I've told you about my semi-green lifestyle, my kids, my opinion on certain celebrity blunders, chickens and coffee. I could talk religion and politics and fashion and food too. Or maybe child birthing options or medical mysteries. You name it. I have also been toying with the idea of hosting an occasional giveaway. The thing is, I don't want to turn into a review or a giveaway only blog. I want to keep things fun to read and informative in a very non-informative way. I want to help people promo. things they made at home or tell you about things that I really and truly love. (Which I kind of do anyway.... see *pumpkin*) 

Here is where you all come in. If you are of the crafty nature like Amanda Rempe, which I am NOT, and you are interested in giving yourself some props or a kick off launch into the land of internets, let me know. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours or something along those lines. The world is full of blogs, and free stuff, and fun so I think we should all jump in and play together. Here's the thing, I don't want to only do promos, and I don't want to review stuff just to review it, so you have to be creative and you might have to be patient. I'm thinking once a week or once a month right now so I can keep spouting off my pointless mumbo-jumbo to you too. Also, if you have something that you're dying to know my opinion on, all you have to do is ask. I'm more than willing to banter back and forth with each and every one of you.

So, before I go for the day and attempt to clean my house, finish the laundry, turn on Mickey Mouse (again) and pack, I want to say THANK YOU one last time to each and every one of you and to NESSA for helping me get started and keep rolling. You all rock my socks. Mwah!

Disclaimer: I don't know this kid. Thank Google Images.

 

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

Be Afraid. Be very AFRAID!

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

Its 2:30 p.m. and to me that is the perfect time to polish off the rest of the pot of coffee sitting, now cold, in the pot. Mix it with a little skim milk, some ice, and soon that afternoon nap time feeling is just a little less noticeable. Plus, its delicious and its really all I drink unless you count w(h)ine time starting promptly at 4:30. Its a daily ritual for me. I love the taste, the smell, and the little spark of energy I get which, admittedly, is a lot less than it used to be due to my fierce tolerance to that black elixir from heaven. (That's right, BLACK, no cream, no sugar, unless its iced and then just skim milk.)

So, here I sit with my iced coffee checking over the news and getting ready to share my somewhat off take on things when I stumble across this article.

Murder defense: Too much caffeine.

At first I just laughed it off. Careful kids, Mommy's all jacked up again. Its the coffee baby! *Twitch* That's only a little bit funny (OK maybe a lot funny) since I twitch like a Mexican Jumping Bean anyway. Maybe its the coffee, but I doubt it. After all, coffee doesn't make you twitch, it makes you kill people. Quickly too I'll bet.  It seems that in my the state just south of my own, Woody Will Smith (Yep, WOODY WILL *eye roll*) is claiming that he had too much coffee, cola, energy drinks and pills and not enough sleep. That this combination of exhaustion and drug induced energy caused him to go cuckoo and strangle his wife with an electric cord. I'm not sure if I'm buying that defense Woody Will. I know what its like to live on the edge of exhaustion, I have four kids. I also know what its like to live all jacked up on coffee. I do it every day and I like it that way. 

Now, I'm not saying that I don't ever feel like FrEaKiNg out on someone, but strangulation by electric cord hasn't ever even come CLOSE to happening, or strangulation by any other device, poisoning, stabbing or shooting. Somewhere in that mess of murderous options, there is this little thing called self control and rational thinking. The shrink in charge of Woody's psych eval. had this to say.

"This dissociative belief and intense paranoid delusions are the direct result of the ingestion of large amounts of caffeine and diet pills." 

This is good news/bad new folks. Lets start with the bad news so I can leave you with a happy ending.  Here it is. Willy Woody or whatever this guy's real name is will probably walk away from this murder and down the block to the rehab facility for his addiction to caffeine. His dead wife will still be dead, and if he's anywhere NEAR as lucky as Lindsay Lohan, he'll be out in 23 days. He'll be back at the Waffle house with a to-go cup in hand.  Now the good news. Every time I feel like I'm ready to lose it, I'm blaming the Folgers in my cup. 

You know whats coming next? People suing Starbucks, Seattle's Best, Folgers, and Dunkin' Donuts for making them murder people. *eye roll* Nice try Woody Watson. Nice try...

Wing Wings not Brittany

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

Today I did the unthinkable. I took one very enthusiastic two year old girl chanting, "Poke, Wing Wings!" to the salon, held her in my lap and pierced her little ears. She had been trying to shove everything from Tic Tacs to real earrings down her ear chutes for weeks now so I decided that a little blunt force trauma was probably better than taking her to the ER to have a bean removed from her ear. I went down that road with Mr.4 last year and it wasn't pleasant. She took it like a champion and cried for maybe two minutes before asking for a sucker then checking them out in the mirror. We went to the root beer stand after the insertion of her new sparkles where she immediately showed the waitress her new wing-wings. She loves them!  Her dad is NOT thrilled. I'm banking on the fact that he will get used to it or just decide that he can not be around his adorable daughter whom he dotes over anymore.  The first seems far more likely. Plus, I assured him that she looks adorable and that she LOVES them!

See, my mom, my brother, and my husband, and I'm sure plenty of other people think that two is far too young to have your ears pierced. I disagree. Two year olds don't worry because haven't been told horror stories from their friends about the excruciating pain and trauma of having metal jabbed through your ear lobes. You get them excited, take them in for a quick poke then hand them a sucker. Its over. They don't want to change them and, in fact, often forget they are even there so they rarely touch them. I'm a fan, of course, I'll have to deal with daddy drama when I get home and he tells me that she looks like a little redneck baby. He already texted me to tell me that he'll be cutting the sleeves off his plaid shirts and taking her to the Wal Mart so they can fit it. *Eye roll* 

She looks sweet and she is jazzed about having them. I can't argue with something so simple. Its one heck of a lot simpler than trying to take your eight year old daughter shopping that doesn't make her look like Brittany Spears.  I am semi-happy to report that Miss 7 is a dress girl.  Its sweet and nice to know that she wants to look fancy. She and I have VERY different taste so she shops with my mom which is also a good thing because she has a thing for accessories. I'm a little to funky for her and that is saying a lot if you look at some of the trash that's out there for little girls. I've seen fishnet hose, shorts that may as well be bikini bottoms, shirts that just scream EWWW, etc., etc., etc., I am most certainly not a prude and I'm all about funkifying your wardrobe but YIKES.  And then there are these little gems...

I don't know what kind of sick puppy came up with the concept of a thong wearing baby doll, but they should be on the watch list. Once, my son's friend came home for their preschool gift exchange with a Bratz doll donning low rise jeans and a thong. Nice.  That went right in the trash. She got the traditional Barbie to make up for the lost present. Bratz have been outlawed at the Devito house ever since.

It comes down to this. I think little girls should be sweet and look funky and fun and adorable. I think there are ways to do that without turning them into attention seeking, under dressed (as in, you need more clothes on) brats. I can't put a t-shirt saying, "Its all about me" on my daughter and then tell her that its not all about her. I can't let her run around looking like a Bratz doll and then ask her to be a sweet seven year old. It bothers me to look around at how hard we push our kids to grow up. We want them to to school younger, wear make up earlier, wear your skirt shorter, make sure you're noticed all the time and still be sweet and innocent - but not too innocent. Its a brave new world and I'm all in favor of jumping in with both feet, just not at the expense of our kids and their already abbreviated childhood. Earrings are one thing, but stealing the innocence out from under them is entirely another.

So, how much is too much? What pushes your buttons? Where have you made exceptions?

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Big Mac::Diet Coke as Organic::Cheap

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!


Yesterday as I was playing on Twitter (www.twitter.com/thetameone) which I do pretty much every day while bouncing from mess to mess, I read a blog that the darling @TwilightTamara re-posted. I almost puked in my mouth. Not because I was surprised but because I started thinking about how I was going to have to fend off Mr. 4's constant pleading for the next 14 years. Its horrifying on so many levels, but first, let me explain.

 I read these two posts which echoed one another and reminded me why I used to avoid fast food much more than I do now. (12 Year Old McDonald's Hamburger Still Looking Good and Are McDonald's Hamburgers the Undead? ) To be certain, this is not a slam against McDonald's or any other fast food chain. I must admit that your Happy Meals are indeed happy and sometimes I absolutely crave a Chicken McNuggett. This is more a slam against myself and why I allow myself to be seduced by yummy fat filled, hormone injected and apparently nuclear war ready cheeseburgers. I'd like to blame the media, but I don't follow McDonald's on Twitter and I really don't watch much televisions, so that's not it. I'd like to say that its because its cheap and convenient, but that most likely not it either. Most likely, its because Mr.4 wants cheeseburgers at any given moment during the day. He wakes up. "Hey Gav, what do you want for breakfast buddy?"  "I want a breffast cheesegurger."

Lunch time! "Hey Gavi, what are you hungry for?" " I want a cheesegurger mommy.  And chocolate milk."

"I need to figure out what we should have for dinner guys." "Lets have cheesegurgers!!"

I like the irony of this picture. The bee movie is all about saving the bees for mankind.

Please understand that I do not indulge his every whim when it comes to cheeseburgers or anything else, but probably once a week, he has a cheeseburger for lunch or a breakfast cheeseburger (sausage biscuit). He is happy, I didn't have to make anything, and I'm out more money than if I would have done the Pizza Hut buffet.  I give it to him, make him get apples instead of french fries, or add green beans to the fries when we get home, and top it off with milk, not soda. I always feel like a piece of crap for a few minutes but make up for it with broccoli for dinner, unless, of course, it Friday and we order pizza. Always pizza on Friday!

Here I am, raising chickens and feebly attempting to freeze tomatoes and preserving my children's innards all at the same time.  I should take some of that energy and learn how to can something, right?  I used to buy organic milk. Its too expensive now. I used to buy organic vegetables. They are too expensive now. I used to go to the Farmer's Market every Saturday and I am going to start doing that again this Saturday. (Write that down and remind me Saturday morning please.) I wonder how I ever got to the point where the money was more important than what I was feeding my kids. Seriously, checkout the cheeseburgers...

Burger to the left, 2008. Burger to the right, 1996. Eww.

I'm not sure I can stomach that anymore, but how do I convince the hubs, let alone Mr. 4 that consuming anything that can survive in a purse for 12 years that it shouldn't be eaten. Obviously the adult should get it, but the four year old, I'm not so sure. Better yet, why is ANYONE allowed to produce, let alone serve, a food that could survive the holocaust? We laugh at Twinkies for having a 50 year shelf life and now we can add burgers to the list. I wonder what else is creeping in the stuff I'm shoving down my throat. And if they can make a burger that does that, why can't they make an eye cream that fights crows feet or make gray hairs stop growing? Its got to be some kind of preservative tactic doesn't it?

I am taking a stand as of today.( I mentioned before that I have somewhat of a conspiracy theorist and I'm sure you'll hear all about that the more you read.) I can't allow myself to regularly fall into the cheap and easy route on what is going in my family's mouths anymore. I can't raise free range chickens and organic tomatoes and eat McDonald's once or twice a week anymore. (Pizza on Fridays will remain. I will not give up my pizza on Fridays... I should, I know.) I can't keep buying hormone infused milk when there is a better option. I just need to remind myself what it will be like to live with a ten year old PMSing, over dramatic daughter as opposed to a twelve or thirteen year old PMSing, over dramatic daughter. That's two or three fewer years of drama, thank you very much! I need to get back to the good stuff.

If you were to make a change today in your diet, what would you start with? What grosses you out to the point that you can't consume it anymore? What is the hardest thing to give up?

Houston, we have a problem.

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

ALERT, ALERT! The wi-fi is down. Repeat... The wi-fi is down!

www.flemingtek.com

Cue me racing around the house looking for a hot spot I can steal some vibes from my neighbors, calling Centurylink Tech. support, my brother, my husband, the police, the FBI and then, God help me, going to Wal Mart for a new router. I packed up the toddler and preschooler and dashed out the door before lunch so I could get back here and share my anxieties with you all. Generous wasn't it. Being completely honest, I am addicted to my computer. I love it! It keeps me from feeling like a hermit, or a recluse, or from going crazy from being home all the time. I use it for everything! There was a panic attack on the horizon when I thought I wouldn't be able to connect to get into chat or on Twitter today if needed.  This is what its come to folks, I am completely hopeless, and sadly, I like it.

I like knowing that I have @ShakeItMJ in my kitchen to chat with me while I'm cleaning up, or during nap time. I like to check the temperature and radar, to stalk Facebook, to Tweet my curly brown head off, and even to pay my bills. (OK, I don't really like to pay my bills, but I'd rather do it online than with paper because I'm a greenie like that.) I have to have it to check my balance in the bank, and God help me if I actually tried to balance my checkbook without a program. I would be eternally overdrawn! I use it to check on my kid's homework and grades, to send pictures to my brother in California, and to shop for amazing sales through Ebates . You catch my drift, its essential and I'm willing to bet that at least some of you understand this new dependency. 

This started me thinking in the shower. (It was that lightening fast shower where I was frantic to get my new router, which did nothing to solve the problem and will now be promptly returned.) What was it like back when this wasn't what we had? You remember those days when we wrote actual checks, and turned on the news, and talked to people who lived close to us. We had to go to the store and read books that were actually made of paper. FYI - I like my paper books. Its an anti-green thing, I know; I warned you there would be conflicts in my stories. Deal with it.

I suppose some people would call those simpler times. You know, the old people who don't know how to do the computer thing, and for them, it is simpler. Not for me. At least, I don't think so. I love having things right there at my fingertips, to be able to show my kids what a naked mole rat looks like with the click of a mouse. (Hahaha - that was a funny joke to me.)

www.animals.nationalgeograpic.com

Ugly little suckers aren't they. So now when the sing the Naked Mole Rap they know what they're singing about. I love to check my email and see who has been thinking about me, and to find hilarious videos on YouTube. I love that I have met a slew of great friends online that I'm sure would be my friends anyway if we lived closer than 500 miles apart. Its a learning experience and a socializing experience for me. That doesn't mean that I value my friends that live down the road from me any less. I am a firm believer that you can have friends online and friends "in real life" but aren't they both real life? Isn't it just a proximity issue?

I've heard vicious rumors that the Internet eats your brain and makes you stupider. (I know, its more stupid, I was being a smart ass.) It might, or it might be the exact opposite. It might make my attention span shorter and that is probably a really bad thing, or, it might make me be able to multi-task better. I don't know and I don't have a way to prove that myself. That being said, I also have no intentions of reading a book on it because sometimes I just don't want to know. 

www.oldmansboobishi.com

So, this all comes down to good news, bad news. The good news is that although my Wi-Fi card seems to have died, I can attach to my Ethernet line and surf until my little pea brain catches fire. I hate my desk chair so I can play on my balance ball and develop a rock hard core while I Internet myself to death.  I can pay bills, tweet, blog, upload pictures, chat and check the news and weather. I can spend countless hours avoiding housework and chaos while talking to Maryann. I can check up on my kids at school, talk to my brother and order new shoes!

The bad news is that I have to either stay at this very uncomfortable desk attached to a wall or get my wireless card fixed. I'm, again, locked to my computer which I enjoy but is probably making me fat, lazy and full of attention problems. I will still have a semi-scummy house but I can blame that on the 4 kids, the dog and the asphalt working husband. Oh, and lets not forget the bees. I worry about the bees with all these wi-fi signals and cell phone signals. I like honey and flowers, and I'm not a fan of global warming and catastrophes, and I heard somewhere that maybe it was all our fault from all the buzzing signals we put out there. THAT is probably my biggest concern, even more than the fat, lazy attention problem and that should say a lot.

So, what if the wi-fi signals of the world went down for a week? What would you do? How would you react? What would you miss the most and what would you NOT miss?

Chickie Mama

It's a special day at the Devito house today and not just because I get to write for Nessa, which is a HUGE honor for someone who just started doing this. Today I got to be the Chickie Mama come full circle. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I had jokingly told my husband that we should get some chicks and just make our own eggs. (I'm not really sure if you raise eggs, make eggs, get eggs... you understand.) So, I joke and the next thing I know we have Disney World for chickens in my back yard, complete with an underground tunnel, a coup with a window and screens and a ramp and electrical outlets. Its amazing. Not to mention that the caged part that they can take the tunnel UNDERGROUND to get in to would keep lions out. He build this stellar chicken hotel and brought home 10 fuzzy little wonders.

The kids and I, and even Kenny, loved these adorable little fluff balls and watched them grow - FAST. It wasn't long before they were ugly and no one wanted to hold them anymore. I figured that if no one wanted to hold them we wouldn't have to stand in the pole barn, for what I considered way too long, to stare at some ugly, loud stupid birds. I was wrong. They might have been ugly but they were starting to get personalities. Now, before you think I've really lost it, you have to listen. I would go outside to find Kenny (the hubs) watching these partially feathered little guys with a smirk on his face. Seriously, this is where he had been. I laughed until he called me over to watch, and guess what, he was right!! They were fun to watch. They were doing that whole "pecking order". I thought that was just some kind of old fashioned figure of speech,  but its not! They really do it. They fight and finally the head bird takes his place and the others fall in line. Best thing yet, I knew which ones I was going to like and which ones would get the ax first - the only problem, I wanted eggs and I still to this day can't tell a rooster from a hen.

      

Go ahead and laugh but I'm serious. Boy chickens don't have.... parts. Well, they do but you can't see them. Trust me, I've tried. I've Googled and YouTubed myself crazy trying to see a chicken penis and they aren't visible! I did, however, experience chicken sex the other day. Cross that one off the bucket list. It doesn't look pleasant but compared to cats, it seemed relatively painless for the female. So, now I have 2 distinguishable birds. One boy and one girl. The happy little couple. They might even be the two in the picture but since I can't tell a boy from a girl, its highly unlikely that I can tell you which two chickens are in that picture.

I stand outside and watch these crazy things every day and I have to say that for a girl who much prefers the indoors and gags at the idea of hamburger, I'm a fan. I love to talk to them and see what they do. My kids think they are as good as the dog as far as pets are concerned. (This may be a problem in a few weeks when a couple of the roosters "move to the neighbor's" aka move to the freezer.) This morning I was out checking out the gardens and letting them out for the day when I opened the door to the chicken coup and saw one of the brown hens in a nesting box. My Chickie Mama heart giggled! This poor little brown hen looked scared out of her teeny tiny mind and I knew what was happening. She sat completely still and just watched me begging me not to touch her. I shut the door and came back fifteen minutes or so later to find her still there but looking a little more relieved. I'm sure that sounds ridiculous, but she really did. She stood up and this is what followed:

CHICKEN: *Nervous look. Stands up. Looks under her squatty little body.*

ME: Hey chickey wickey. Don't be afraid. *Giggles*

CHICKEN: *Nervous look. Checks again.* What the hell is that? 

ME: *Squeaks and runs for the camera.* 

CHICKEN: *Peck, peck, peck* What. Is. That?!

ME: You did it!! Good job Chickey Wickey!! *Cue strange Chickie Mama emotions. Start snapping photos.*

CHICKEN: *Peck, peck, peck. Shrugs. Steps out of the coop.* Well, that was strange.

ME: *Snatch the egg and go inside to post on FB, Twitter and to text the hubs and call my mom.*

Call me crazy, you wouldn't be the first, but it was awesome. I'm a chicken grandma! My little fuzzy babies are laying eggs of their own! I'm probably taking this a bit far, but as I said, I'm not much of an outdoors kind of girl and I'm certainly not the farmer type. Picking vegetables in my garden freaks me out. Tall grass gives me anxiety but this, THIS was amazing. I've got a baby chick, or at least an egg. In my fridge. I feel guilty and sad for the chicken now. And I digress....

Read more from Megan over at Thoughts of an Oxymoron and be sure to come check out her column here next Tuesday!

Welcome Our Newest Contributor

I am so excited to introduce you to Megan, the newest contributor to Ramblings of a Texas Housewife. Megan is a super lady and I'm so glad to welcome her as part of the team! I know you are going to enjoy getting to know her just as much as I have. Welcome aboard, Megan!

About Megan:
Megan is a 34 year old mother of four kids ranging from ages 10 to 1. After teaching public school for 2 years and alternative school part time for 8 1/2 years, she decided to take some time off to explore what was waiting around the bend and to spend time with her two youngest children. Teaching in an alternative school for suspension, expulsion and probation kids and also a teen mom program has taught her not to take things too seriously and to appreciate the chaos that comes with "normal" life. After all, there are worse things than green and purple hair. (Not that she would know anything about purple hair. *shifty eyes*)

In her blog, Megan hopes to be able to share some of the fun and chaos that comes from living in the mid west to be near your family when you are either a city girl, or a southern girl at heart. She hopes that you'll be able to laugh and cry along with her, share your stories and learn about what makes her tick. If you figure it out, please feel free to let her in on the secret because most of her thoughts are contradictory to what she thinks. Try to figure that out. Thank you for reading Thoughts of an Oxymoron.

I hope you will drop by on Tuesdays to see what Megan has to share with us every week.