Things I'm Discovering

20 June 2011
Other than the obvious reasons divorce sucks, I discover new things everyday. Like today, I finally got to speak to my son after a month of not hearing from him. I cannot explain how it made my heart swell just hearing his voice. But, it was the things I heard in the background that had me in tears the minute the call ended.

When a couple splits, you lose more than your spouse. You lose a whole family. For 15 years these people were my family. I love them, all of them. How do you just turn that off? How do you wrap your mind around the fact that your husband was posting on Facebook about his plans to leave you (true story, shows how often I check Facebook) and they were cheering him on. I'm not just losing my husband, but parents, grandparents, sisters, a brother, a niece and nephews. All of whom are dear to me. It hurts more than I can explain and I don't know how you just let go of people who are important to you.

Honestly, I've never felt more alone in my life. I know some of y'all have been in my shoes... does it get better? How do you get through losing a whole family?


7 comments: said...

I was thinking about you and praying for you this weekend. It doesn't get easy having to let go of family that have meant the world to you for years. You allow them to be a part of your life but in a different way. I haven't kept in touch with my ex's family because it's awkward and I have no desire to hear about him and his baby and wife. I also have gotten tired of telling the story over and over again.

Facebook is a relationship killer. It gives attention where it shouldn't. That was wrong for him to behave the way he did.

If you need to holler, scream, cry or pray, please let me know.

lynette355 said...

Yes that hurts so much. I can relate. As you know I lost that part of my family before my ex and I split. But the pain was not less. Does it get better? Yes but not in a good way for me....became bitter there. And that is a hard pill to swallow.

lfhpueblo said...

I haven't been through what've been through. I don't know how you get through it, except going through the motions day after day, after day, and hopefully each day will make it a bit easier.
It's really hard too that he felt he could post it on Facebook first without speaking to you.
He had a plan and another agenda, so I think no matter what, he was going to go. Some people are just like that, and it really stinks to end up being the one that has to live with their decisions.
God Bless You and I pray it gets easier.

Tatum said...

My heart just hurts for you & yes I understand. My divorce was the worse time in my life. The hurt when people you thought were your friends saying things as you described is something no one deserves.

Does it get better? My life is something out of a fairytale but I went through hell getting where I am now! It does get better I promise 

Anonymous said...

oh i can't imagine how that hurt, learning about facebook. i am so sorry. it does get better but sometimes it takes a lot longer than we think we can take it. i wish i had some magic answer but i just don't. prayer is all i can say. ~hugs

oh- i discovered i had first starting commenting to you under my son's google name lol i guess i am also known as jackoneill55!

mean mom productions said...

I'm so sorry for you. Hugs, I have been divorced before this husband. He could have been a lot more responsible and more sensetive to the fact than using facebook.

I don't know all the details but I'm sure you can get a gag order for him and use the facebook as way to prove something in court to the judge. I know a ton about that..from previous divorce.

Just know that God loves you, and he will be there for you. You have friends close and far use them for support.

Andi said...

I've been through divorce and it does suck! It is the worst thing in the world. I highly recommend you finding a divorce care recovery group in your area and going. It saved my life! I didn't think I needed it because I moved away from my ex long story, but oh how I needed it. And I am so glad that I went. I not only learned about divorce, I healed, and have long lasting friends from that group. Please feel free to contact me if you need anything! I've been there done that and I will talk to you any time! Sending you lots of hugs and prayers! Andi