Jr. High, mean girls, and the teen years

The Little Miss is now officially a teenager. I am all sniffley because my baby is so not a baby anymore. The teenagers years and junior high bring new experiences. Peer pressure, cliques, and the dreaded mean girls.  Times have changed so much since I was this age, but all those things were challenges back in the day. Even so, I struggle with knowing how to handle these situations. I don't want her to be the victim of mean girls and I don't want her to be one either. As a result, I have been reading how to help her work things out if it becomes a problem. This video has great tips on how to handle mean girls, as well as signs to look for.


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The Great Bra Rebellion

Image by krystal.pritchett via Flickr

Yes, that is what I am calling it. You see, my darling ten year old needs a bra. She has actually been wearing a bran since late summer. But, suddenly the great bra rebellion has started. She does not want to wear one of the darn things!

Recently I've received a couple of strange phone calls from the school.

School: Mrs. Nessa? I am calling about Ashley again. She simply must wear a bra to school.

Me: Yes ma'am I understand that. She has been wearing her bra.

School: Ashley has come to school bra-less the past two days.

Me: Excuse me? (I'm thinking at this point that I checked the kid before she left the house, they must have the wrong girl!)

School: She has not been wearing a bra the past two days. I would think you would pay closer attention.

Me: (Getting really irritated now) Of course I pay attention to how my daughter is dressed when she leaves here. I assure you she has worn a bra everyday this week.

School: Are you implying that I am lying? I do not appreciate the accusation or your tone Mrs. Nessa.

Me: (Thinking they haven't even begun to hear my "tone" yet) I will look in to this matter immediately. I am sure there is a logical explanation.

School: See that you do! (Then the woman hung up on me!)

There was a good explanation. Little Miss goes to the bathroom as soon as she get to school and ditches the bra. Then she puts it back on before she gets on the bus. She is such a mischievous thing! But, at least I know what she's doing.

The thing is, I am at a loss as to what to do about this. Her bras fit well, are cute, and she says the are comfortable. Why oh why won't she keep them on?! The answer "I don't want to". Lovely. I mean, they aren't my favorite piece of clothing either, but I feel naked without mine. Do any of you wise mamas have any advice for me? I am about to pull my hair out!

One Mad Mama

This year, Tristen had his first really bad experience with bullying. And when I say bad, I mean bad. Things escalated towards the end of the year that I called the police. It had just gotten out of control. I never imagined that kids would be so physically abusive.

We'd dealt with name calling and gossip and the usual tween stuff. But one child stepped things up a notch and that's when this mama got mad. Tristen came home bruised, bloodied, dirty, and his clothes all torn up. I seriously thought I should start sending him to school in Maxpedition tactical gear rather than his normal clothes and book bag, as each day he seemed to be entering a war zone.

As a parent, I didn't know what to do. Every time I've had to deal with bullying issues with the school, my concerns were dismissed. They seemed to have a very "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" attitude. This dumbfounded me, as they proclaim themselves as being zero tolerance when it comes to bullies.

Unfortunately, most of the activity was happening on the bus and on the walk home from the bus stop. The bus is considered school property, but the bus driver did not try to enforce any order what so ever. I don't know how you can drive around with 30 kids behaving completely inappropriately, but this guy did. He finally did threaten to throw the bully off the bus when he managed to wedge Tristen and another child under a seat and start jumping up and down on them like trampolines. Tristen ended up kicking the bus driver under the seat to get his attention. He was bruised for more than a week after that incident and I was assured by the powers that be that they would take care of it, but empty threats were the only result.

When he came home in just awful shape, I'd had enough of dealing with the school. Since it happened in the street, they seemed to not want to get involved. So, I called the police and filed a report. I told them I would not press charges, as long as this never happened again. They went and talked with the boy and his family. I was advised not to go attempt conversation with the family, the police officer said that wasn't a safe idea. Anyway, then next morning I get a completely panicked call from Tristen at school. He was so worked up I could barely understand him,. Seems the kid had told him calling the police was a big mistake and he would make him pay for it when they got off the bus. I dashed to the school and talked to the principal. She is a tiny little woman, but when she called the boy into the office to talk with him, she even scared me! She talked with both boys and urged me to let her know if anything at all happened again.

That afternoon, my pal Lynette and I waited at the bus stop with our cameras, with additional friends around the school with cell phones. I did not trust this kid and was worried about my son's safety. Thankfully, the bully had apparently been sent home from school that day. Other than a bunch of "trash talk", Tristen didn't have any trouble with him again. I just dread next school year; kids should not feel like they are going off to war when they are supposed to be learning.

Bullying is a situation it's tough to know how to handle. We've taught Tristen never to fight, but it's hard to know if that's the right thing when he ends up in the street, curled up in a ball, taking a beating. I have learned a lot from this experience though.

• Kids are very reluctant to tell you they are being bullied. IO had noticed Tristen was not as excited as usual about school, but when I tried to talk to him he clammed up. He later told me that getting me involved made him think he wasn't able to handle it himself, plus he feared retaliation if I contacted the school.
• For some reason, kids think bullying is normal behavior, just part of life. We've had to talk about how everyone deserves respect and being hurt, whether verbally or physically, is not something one has to tolerate.
• My first reaction was telling him to ignore the problem and it would stop. This was probably not the best advice. He did much better when he stood tall and said "No! You will not treat me this way!" I think bullies pick on ones they see as weak. By talking back to them, he found some confidence and they learned he wasn't such a pushover.
• Ultimately getting the school involved was the best move. I wish they had paid more attention months ago. After I spoke to the principal it seems they broke up a whole gang that were bullying literally dozens of kids.
• But most importantly, talk to your kids, really talk to them, and do it often. Then listen to what they are telling you. If something isn't quite right, get to the bottom of it. We can't help if we don't know there is a problem.

Do any of y'all have experience with bullies? I'd love to hear about it and how you handled it.

Video Games and Tweens

Okay y'all, my son is video game obsessed. They are all he thinks about or is capable of carrying on a conversation about. This is strange because I am very selective about what he's allowed to play and how often. It's making me insane!

The normal was he could game after his homework was done for 30 to 45 minutes. This worked well because he normally chose to play the Wii Fit games, which I felt were a benefit to a kid who isn't all that active. But, suddenly his focus changed and he started pushing his limits. He now wants to play games he is not allowed to or tries to extend his time on the game system. He got so carried away with talking about nothing but games that we finally have made new rule: no games on weekdays and games with time limits on weekends only if he has done all his chores all week and done well in school. It bothers me that he thinks playing video games are a right rather than a privilege. I really hope the new rules help snap him out of it.

Do any of your little ones drive you crazy with things like this? What solutions have you found?