Dave Says

English: Dave Navarro, Jane's Addiction, Ninja tour. image shot by Fiona Bowie at Santa Barbara, California (thumbnail) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Anyone who knows me very well knows I have quite a fondness for Dave Navarro. It's bizarre really because normally looks wise this would not be the kind of guy I would call my type, but I adore him. It's not a looks thing, it's a talent thing. His voice too. I could listen to the man read the phone book. I got on the Dave train a little late; I had never even heard of him until that INXS reality show he cohosted. Yes, I know who RHCP are, but I didn't make the connection. Anyway, he was on the show and he spoke and played and looked amazing with all that ink. Even though he wore guy-liner, I was a fan pretty quickly.

This is not a post about my love for Dave Navarro, I promise.

Anyway, I've been dealing with some stuff lately. Stressors if you will. As many of you know, my teeth have been making me really sick and that's not helping the situation at all. A few weeks back I had an all out meltdown, questioning my faith and who I was. It wasn't pretty. What brought it on? Words. Those little puppies have power. Especially when you are a people pleaser like I am, anyone thinking badly of you can stress you beyond belief. The thing is, why? Why do I get like that? It's been eating me up for weeks and came to a pretty ugly head for me last night when I realized how ridiculous my weeks of being so upset over the whole thing were. So stressed that it was taking a physical toll over what someone thought of me. Just typing that makes me realize how nuts it sounds. Hello approval addiction. Anyway, I spent a good deal of my day questioning why my little brain in cahoots with my heart tends to agonize over this stuff and why I can't give my worries over and just let go, stuff like that. Being afraid of people not liking you is stupid, this was my mantra for the day.

Then tonight Dave came up in conversation, as happens a lot with my friends and I. We were watching videos of Heart and Dave Navarro together, seriously go check that awesomeness out, and I found this interview. Now, like any good fangirl, I know a LOT about Dave. I knew all the facts in the video. But, I found this interview, full of the slap upside the head and perspective I so desperately needed, exactly when I needed it most. The powers that be are kind of awesome like that. The fact that the message I needed to hear came from Dave Navarro is so ironic it would take me hours to explain it. Anyhow, this is Dave talking about overcoming fear. What I got was a hefty dose of perspective on things that are TRULY worth stressing over and no matter how great or small the fear... well we just have to say what's the worst that can happen and keep living.

As for me and my ridiculous stress and worry over people who aren't even important?

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch

I may have to remind mysself of that a lot, take a lot of deep breaths, sing Let It Go, and vent time and again, but I will be proactive. I refuse to give anyone that kind of power over me anymore.

Thanks, Dave. XOXO

You'll Be Proud of Me

Photo credit to Emily on Flickr. License  Some rights reserved by Unfurled

This phrase leaves my lips far too often when speaking to those who are important to me. People pleasing has been what I attempted for more years than I can remember. I'd do or say what I thought was expected of me more often than not, thinking my real actions and opinions were not good enough. Is anyone good enough?

Those words are detrimental to so many, not good enough. If you've never felt that way, I envy you. This feeling for me lead to me trying to be perfect or at least not who I was to please those around me. You lose yourself int he quest to be what you're expected to be. Life becomes all about going through the motions and trying to figure out what the right thing is rather than going with your instinct. It's depressing and exhausting.

A couple of years ago, I realized it didn't have to be that way. That being me was okay and people actually liked Nessa for Nessa. It wasn't about what they could get from me or how I could change to suit them. It was freeing. I lived in a way I hadn't in a very long time, I said what I thought and behaved as I though I should. There was no more worrying about being what others expected.

Sadly, people pleasing is easy to slide back into. I've been doing a lot of that as of late. It's easier to nod and keep your head down, doing what others want instead of following your own spirit. As I said earlier, this isn't good for anybody. You don't actually build meaningful, sincere with people when not being true to yourself because they aren't seeing who you really are. I need to remember this and live the "Good to be me" motto every day.

I have a special person in my life who replies to every "You'll be proud of me" with "I'm always proud of you". That's great to hear, but it took me being proud of me to finally feel somewhat at peace. I'm beautifully flawed and proud of who I am, metaphorical warts and all.

What do you do when you feel you aren't good enough?

Change

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” ~Henri Bergson

change (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

This is something to think about. I once feared change. Like to the point of debilitating fear. Going from who I was say three years ago to who I am now. Your life turning upside down is scary. Learning new things is scary. Moving, growing, all sorts of change can be terrifying. It can also be eye opening. Freeing. It's often worth the fear. I need to remember this. 

Uncertainty

I got a bad feeling about this (iii) (Photo credit: Kalexanderson)

Life throws curve balls. Lately, I've been trying to look at these as chances for growth, new adventures, anything other than negative. At times doing so is really hard. No one said life was easy, right?

It really hit home on my birthday last week. This was not how 35 was suppose to look. I had a few very difficult moments, wallowing I guess. Things are just so different than I thought they'd be even five years ago. But, it's an adventure, right? Chin up and all that jazz. Luckily some very dear gal pals and one voice from the past helped me pull out of it. I was told I was the standard someone held all other women to. You seriously cannot be down on yourself after hearing a comment like that.

But, tonight I'm struggling. I'm uncertain of my future and t scares the hell out of me. You are suppose to set goals, have dreams. But, just when I thought I had it all figured out, something happens. Doubt and fear creeps in. I over think. Apparently this leads to me blogging in tears. How do you figure out what you are suppose to do with your life? I have a plan, one I thought was the right path to take. Do you ever really know? I KNOW what I want. Does that make me nuts. Am I babbling nonsensically? The answer tot he last question is probably.

I guess my question is a two parter. One, how do you handle it when doubt creeps in? Two, have you ever just KNOWN to the depths of your soul what you should do?

P.S. I love that this app suggested a Storm Trooper pic. How could I not use it. It actually made me think my just knowing is right on target. Yes, I'm a weird Star Wars nerd.