The First Night

Image by Vermario via FlickrLast night might be the most difficult night of my life. It was the first night of a new life, of knowing he wasn't coming back. I barely slept. Thank goodness I managed to keep it together until Ashley fell asleep. The house was so quiet and empty. She drifted off and I fell to pieces. How long is this sadness going to last?

Thank goodness for Skype. I chatted with friends from all over the world until one by one we fell asleep. I did sleep off and on. It was a restless sleep. I got up and saw Ashley off to school. And I got out of bed. I didn't just lay there and cry. Even though that's all I want to do. I want to curl up in a ball and cry until I'm just empty. And I have no idea if this is a normal reaction. I just know I can't do it.

Ashley needs me. So, I'm going to keep getting up and moving forward. What else can I do?

Music Monday - Goodbye Time by Conway Twitty

I've been staring at this page all day long, completely unsure what to write. My husband filed for divorce today. There just isn't anything else to be said.

Reigniting the Spark

As I'm sure you noticed, my focus lately has be on rekindling the spark within my marriage. After 15 years, things can get rather... routine. Add in not much time and little money and spending romantic time together can be a challenge. I know I'm not the only one who can use some creative ideas to liven things up.

I was surprised to find some books that look helpful in an unlikely place, the EdenFantasys website. In all honesty, I was expecting nothing more than collections of naughty stories and sex manuals. This was not the case. They offer everything from erotic fiction to books on how to add more romance to your relationship. Titles such as 1,001 Ways to Be Romantic and 500 Great Dates particularly caught my eye. These two plus a few more have been added to my wishlist.



What do you and your significant other do for a romantic, inexpensive date night?



Disclosure: I was provided with a gift card in exchange for this post. The opinions expressed here are 100% my own and were not edited in any way.

We Talk, But Do We Listen?

There has been much written about what couples say versus what their partners actually hear. This is something I know I've struggled with. There have been times I've looked at Dan like he had two heads thinking he didn't listen to me at all. I've recently found out he has felt the same way at times. I am not sure how to combat this problem, but I'm working on it. After talking the past few weeks, there is one thing I'm clear on, we were not really hearing what the other has been saying. And then we just stopped talking.

My heart was crying out for this...



While he was asking this...



I think it's time to reread the book his parents gave us as a wedding gift, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It may be too late, but learning how to communicate is never a bad thing.

Have you ever reached a point in your relationship when communication just seemed to stop? If so, how did you handle it?

Everything Changes

Image via WikipediaTime for honesty. The last six months I have been a shell of a person. I've barely functioned. Depression has me so tightly in it's grip that doing anything other than the most basic tasks has seemed to difficult. My kids have barely had a mother, my husband has not had a wife, and I've not done anything about it. I have isolated myself, living in my own little bubble where I felt safe and in control. The problem is, I did not realize I was doing it until it was too late.

For the past week and a half I've tried to pull out of it, come back to life, do the things that need doing. I've prayed, I've tried opening up, I've reached out. But it seems I lost myself for too long, my efforts are too little too late. I have managed to ruin the only thing that really matters to me. And I don't know how to deal with it or fix it or change it. And I'm terrified.

I realize this is very personal, but I've grown to be friends with quite a few of my readers. So, thank you all for your prayers, support, and friendship. There may be more personal posts from now on, but at least I'll be posting more, right? This blog is something I've always been proud of, it's time to make it important to me again.